“She was not becoming anything different from what she always was and always had the capacity to be. You just finally saw everything. And once you saw that other part of her..” Dorian said quietly. It had taken him until now, until Sorscha, to understand what that meant. “You cannot pick and choose what parts of her to love.” He pitied Chaol, he realised. His heart hurt for his friend, for all that Chaol had surely been realising these past few months. “Just as you cannot pick which parts of me you accept.”
“You do. But what’s done is done, Chaol. And there is no going back, no matter how hard you try to change things. Like it or not, you played a role in getting us all to this point, too. You set her down that path, to revealing what and who she is, to whatever she decides to do now.”
Heir of Fire
Sarah J Maas
While I adore this moment between Dorian and Chaol, my love for this quote exists entirely separately to the context it comes from. Within the book, this is a brilliant moment between friends who are holding each other to account for their mistakes. But out of context, I really believe this is fantastic advice for relationships and something important to remember. To wholly love someone cannot allow for pieces of them which are rejected by the partner – while there might be things about them which you think you could live without, rejecting entire elements of their personality does not allow for a healthy relationship to flourish. You cannot offer love and then make it conditional on them denying who they are.